Today I find myself thinking. I like to think, I like to let my mind wander and see where it ends up. A lot of times its an inward journey that I end up taking. I’ve come to realize that I long for adventure. It almost sounds petty compared to whats happened this past week. Last Tuesday an earthquake of terrifying size rocked the poorest nation in our hemisphere. My heart breaks for them, for the pain that’s to last after the long process of cleanup. Tens of thousands of people are missing among the rubble and most presumably dead, my American mindset can’t even begin to understand the destruction. I sit here, in my desk with access to basic things that some in that country would sacrifice to have right now. I want to be there. Sitting ideally as people are suffering, well it drives me mad. I want to be there.
We have a friend from Building Together that was in-country as the quake hit, after 3 days we finally heard that he was safe and was heading back to the orphanage to assist with their needs. The poorest country in our hemisphere, it blows my mind. I struggle with the thought of what we can do here. My gut reaction is to drop everything and go, or at least stop everything we’re doing and start rallying people to send supplies or donate money or blood. The task of completing this information booklet seems so small now. Everything, seems small now. We/I’ve let so much get in the way of the beauty of simplicity. Why does it take tragedy to remind us of the pure and simple?
I don’t have anything profound to share or add, just that this is my heart right now. I know that God is there, I’ve heard reports of people getting together in parks and singing hymns, praise God that his people are his. God works all things for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. I believe this, with everything that I am and yet I confess my faith is as limited as my sight because I don’t know how this is going to get any better at the moment. Walking by faith and not by sight, that’s how we do it. Though, it doesn’t in anyway quell my desire to go, to help, to lay hands on small children and hug them and love them. To cry with a mother who has lost a child, or a husband who has lost everything, or pray with a child that their parent would find them soon. I sit here and I have the luxury of being introspective. I think of the things that Gods blessed me with and I am amazed. First by Him and his faithfulness, but then I’m amazed at my forgetfulness. I forget so often whats going on around the world, I forget how God has done beautiful things through me and I forget his promises of what he’s going to do. If there was one thing I could do to make myself better, it would be to have a better memory. I am drawn to turn on my worship music, to read my Bible more, to pray at every available moment and to talk about this with other people. I wish that this were my mindset every other day of the year. Change my heart God, that I would see the depravity of this world as I see this terrible event in Haiti.